Over a cuppa, an acquaintance asked me; “Where do you see yourself in 5 years and why?” I responded with a “Happy. Because I can.” That conversation stirred into one about how people should constantly strive for more. Exactly that, I strive to be happy. Even if that means I may lead an unglamorous life without a big bank balance.
“A flower does not thinking of competing with the flower next to it. It just blooms beautifully at its own pace.”
One of the permanent aspects of my life and something that is constantly constant is ironically, change. A conundrum I can never quite solve & honestly, I am happy not to be able to. Here’s why;
I’ve gone through different phases, different fashion styles, different group of friends, different everything. I’ve played the ‘Mean Girl’ head-cheerleader in high school drama queen, the Lestat De Lioncourt obsessed vampiress dressed in only black from head to toe, the rocker chick with too much eyeliner, all studs and spikes with pink streaks in her hair, the party animal every weekend in my ‘freakum’ dresses, tearing up the dance floor with my heels too high, & ended up with this quirky hippie-go-lucky rainbow mermaid version of me (though I do like playing dress up and going into those versions of me from time to time)
As I grew as a person, I peeled each layer of intrigue and a need to try being someone I thought I was. Exploring different things; looks, feelings, lifestyles, friends and coming out of it learning something new about myself, be it good or bad. I go through metamorphosis almost on a yearly basis, struggling to break out of the layer I was finished with at that point.
Would I change what I was if I could? I would, in a heartbeat. I’ve been unnecessarily mean, spiteful and angry at world. Emotions that I could have had a better control of, I let control me. But I am thankful for it all. I am glad I learnt to be a happier person, that I can let my guard down and ego aside to apologise to those I’ve hurt and if I make a mistake, to not play games or toy with people’s feelings, to treat people the way I want to be treated. On a relentless journey of learning (as cliché as it sounds) to be the best version of me.
I’m now at a point I am complete aware and comfortable in my own skin. I have a family (the whole extended jingbang as well) who are extremely supportive of me and are my backbone, an amazing handful of friends I know will catch me when I fall or let me fall and help me up when I need a hand, a job I love because I am passionate about it, a boy with a need to keep a smile plastered on my face and all the talent and blessings that have been bestowed upon me.
I am truly blessed & five years from now, I will be exactly what I strive to be.
I’ll be happy 🙂