I should be starting this with a “As I sip my margarita in a pool in Bali…” but I decided that I’m ending the year with reflection filled with kindness, compassion and gratitude instead of thinking of what could’ve been. 

Honestly 2020, you and I really need to sit down over a steaming hot pot of chai (not mug – an entire pot) to talk about us. I’m hoping you’ll spill the tea (pun intended only because I refuse to waste some good chai) without me having to force it out of you. You were suppose to be my best love story. We started off absolutely beautiful, especially that honeymoon period of us being high on adventures; of running away to Bali, exploring and devouring Ipoh, chasing waterfalls & lots of nights out drunk with laughter, dance & love. I was incredibly smitten & ready to commit to you but just like that – you took it all away. I had never experienced heartbreak like this one before & certainly pray that I never will again.

The level of intensity, self doubt and anxiety this year was through the roof. As someone who constantly plans, the lack of certainty really got to me. I needed it to re-learn & co-create a new reality. The isolation period further enhanced my need for deeper conversations, higher expectations of myself and the people around & the need for actual connections – surface level just doesn’t cut it for me anymore & small talk just drains my purpose. Setting a mental reminder that the people I give & receive energy from are so important – it’s a direct affect to my mental and emotional state. I no longer attempt to fit into moulds, instead realise that when you show up authentically, you create space for opportunities and relationships that are meant to align.

One thing I’m most thankful for is that I can now see red flags & no longer want to turn those into a Sabyasachi lengha, instead I paint them white, knowing when to surrender & call a truce. I make no excuses for bad behaviour, for lack of empathy and understanding. I’ve made it a point to only accept the type of love I give out & I refuse to settle for less. This year I work on myself & the kind of love that appreciates everything I am. I will not apologise for my heart or the way I love ever again.  I set boundaries in gold & not gold plated lines.

The year has been crazy heavy as I struggled with finding balance mostly with work and passion, but I am so thankful for the lights in my life that continue to hold me up & push me forward with all the higher vibrations. I see you, I appreciate you, I send you love & light in abundance. ⁣I am thankful for being able to find joy in simple things ; knowing that what I have and who I have in my life is & always was, enough.

Not being able to escape whenever I felt overwhelmed was, well overwhelming. I learnt to keep myself occupied and indulge further in my own company. Safe to say, I’m really quite happy to bask in my own thoughts and presence. All I needed was new ways to channel that. My newfound love for myself is really something else entirely, so I guess I will add the year to my age because well, a year wiser.  I owe it to myself to become everything I’ve ever dreamed of being & so much more. Thank you Universe for allowing me another year of growth. 

As I wrap up my 2020, I’m just thankful for being able to survive the year with some level of grace. I’m also glad for those of you who survived it with me. I saw so many of you extend help, find ways to share and inspire, grow and create, reminding me of the good in the world – it was all so beautiful. Thank you.

2021, let’s sit down for a steaming mug of chai & talk about us soon. I can’t wait to start our love affair.